Come on be a friend

I tried asking it to get back on the rim by itself but it told me to fuck off.

stay alert or lose your way

lets talk about falling off the deep end. where is that ledge right before you fall? is the decision to jump unavoidable? making a leap not of faith but of blind chance of some sort of outcome to alleviate your mind. by drowning your own kids is it possible to predict your own death? is finding your kids face down in a murky pond a trigger leading you to fall? making decisions all though hard are much easier then the non existent outcome of nothing. im prone to snap judgments. getting washed away with the storm. when the flood comes i will be carried away. will i be alert or will i lose my way? most likely both.

I feel no wrong, hide no wrong

i swore to myself id never be like this, but the older i get the old truth starts to ring louder. excepting that new music has lost itself to me. i always told myself that i would take all new music as if i were 18, like it were exciting and fresh, and never be like the cynical older people and say those dreaded words. "the new isn't as good as the old". now i know its not. not once when i was in my teens did i get the feeling that a band i have never heard of was trying to sound like someone else. but as new ideas seem to be in short supply all i can hear is the bands people want to sound like. when did pushing the envelope turn in to "only as long as its been tested and proven by someone else". the only saving grace i can see for the music industry is its total collapse. maybe then people will make art instead of making cheap copies in hopes of making money, or passing themselves off at the same type of talent.

i dream of mushroom clouds

i hope for this out come in our world, a wasteland with its top layer pealed back showing what truly matters, survival. in my mind i would survive in such bleak times wondering the land as i saw fit. this movie although beautifully made, its story line reeked of christian propaganda. in turn made me feel like it was a waste. they could have made a movie of survival and hardship with one ounce of hope for good measure. but no it was a picture of waring over a book that controls the minds of real life masses through blind faith. the only part in the story that the got it right was the part where the remaining people burned those books as the cause of the wars in the first place. i want to love this movie for its stunning visuals but in the end it left a bad taste in my mouth.

how to say i love you

last week signified a mile stone in my life. not mentioning this being my longest relationship to date and my last. that being said it was me and Stephanie's 4th anniversary. i know what you are thinking how is 4 years a mile stone when my parents have been together for 45 years. well one this is last one before we get married. hopefully its the last we spend in the cold, so yes it makes it to milestone status. we go off the day we met its easier that way in both our parts. i looked it up on the internet what the suitable 4 year gift was to be. it said it was supposed to be of some sort of material most likely a clothing item or linen. the list is long for the years ranging from steal to diamonds. but i feel the best way to say i love you is no with silk sheets but with the second to the top of the line HP printer/scanner/fax/copier that we need. this baby does everything and is a way better idea then some scarf.

up in the air

sometimes movies hit home so hard that it hurts. watching this movie about a man who fires people for a living got me thinking. in my life iv been fired 8 times. 8 times iv sat in a chair and been told i was no longer needed, and 8 times my reactions have varied but the end result was always the same. to get my point across im going to cross reference this to a relationship with a women. being fired is like being broken up with out of the blue. at first you are mad and then you descend in to a self reflective loathing that ends with a question. that question is whats wrong with me? the older i get the better i take the "being let go" talk. by now im a old pro, but just don't dump a pile of bullshit in my lap and tell me you are doing me a favor. make that an old bitter pro. i could go in to some of the reasons why iv been fired ranging from attitude to performance to lack of work. but my favorite is being fired over the phone to avoid a outburst on my part because of all that jail time i didn't do. if that does not make sense try hearing it for real and making them explain.
"what do you mean the jail time i have served, IV never been to jail" "it says here Nathan you did 20 days" " is that right" i said " read a little further for me." "tell me anywhere in that sentence does it say the word suspended?" " ummmmmmmm yes i do believe it does say that" i asked her one more question before she ended our chat via telaphone. "what do you think that means" "nathan i am not a lawyer i wouldn't know" "it means I DID NOT GO TO JAIL" i got one last paragraph out of her before she hung up on me. " ether way usauna does not hire individuals with criminal histories, and we need you to drop your key card off at the front desk when you pick up your check"
im not going to lie it was a shit job answering phones that in reality i didn't even want. i was only there for a week, but it still felt the same. what do you do when you are told you are not good enough to answer phones? i wish she would have texted me instead but im sure that would have been unprofessional.

king of the hill

how do you live up to your name sake? my mother just thought my first name was fitting but then gave me a middle name of the man she dated before my father. my mother married my father when she was 18 so i can imagine there was not much of a relationship involved with this man. i met him once when i was 10. Dick was a short fat man that i believe aged as fast as he could. being introduced properly as my name sake i acknowledged his existence then thought nothing of it till now. does one have to live up to someone else's name? seeing this not much of a man i felt like i had surpassed him in steam before i exited the 70s. the only names i have given have been of loyal companions that do not complain due to vocal restrictions. being a child of modern media, movies have been my source of name sake inspiration. finding a dog and naming him after a more or less super hero of a now passed actor. Charles Bronson seemed fitting for such a smart and fast cautious pup. is he the reincarnation of how the movies have portrayed him to be? all signs lead to no. will he have the legacy that the man did. not unless he learns to shoot a gun. why did i aim so high and my mother aimed so low. maybe to give me a fighting chance. but my dog could not give a shit ether way.